Dead Baby Was Horrific

Giving Birth Alone To a Dead Baby Was Horrific

After being involved in a horrific car crash she was left giving birth alone surrounded by male patients on award, where she lay recovering from broken hips and a damaged spine?

This inspiring mum shares her experience in detail which may cause upset to some readers.

I was giving birth alone with broken hips and a damaged spine

By the age of 16 I was addicted to drugs. I had begun taking them when I was just 13 and things just spiraled out of control. I was rushed into hospital after suffering from a drug-induced psychosis episode.

Soon after turning 17 I left the unit and moved into a homeless hostel. I met some guy and fell pregnant; he left me to cut a long story short.

He threatened me that unless I had an abortion he would beat the baby out of me. I stayed strong and within the time he left me alone.

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Giving birth alone without my partner was hard and not how I would have planned a pregnancy to be, but the moment I met my son it was instant love.

The day after giving birth to my son a social worker arrived at the hospital to see me.

They advised that I was to stay in the hospital for the period of 72 hours, as my baby was at risk of suffering from withdrawal symptoms from the drugs they assumed I had taken during pregnancy.

Can I clearly point out that I had not taken any drugs and had been clean for 12 months?

Despite the drugs test they performed on me coming back negative my baby was put on the child protection register.

After 6 months of assessment, he was removed from the register and I could finally breathe and get on with being a good mum. I returned to college and he kept me on the straight and narrow, without him I know I would have turned back to a life of drugs.

A year after having my son I met a new man, he was perfect and life was great. He came to visit me and my son and we all got on really well, He had a job and house which meant security for us all as a family too, which was important to me.

But then he began to be mentally abusive towards me, the arguments would become heated and he scared me.

When I found out I was pregnant with his child I was terrified but the pregnancy changed things for the better and we talked and planned for our future.

In March 2009 my happy world was crushed. My partner and I had a child-free day so we set off for a drive. I do not remember anything else about that day.

The car hit a curb and the car was hit by another car after we had tail span into the middle of the road. I was airlifted to hospital where my family gathered to say goodbye to me as it was suspected I would not make it through the night.

They had scanned the baby and it was fine, with a strong heartbeat.

I was taken up to the intensive care unit where I was sedated.

When I awoke I felt the wetness and saw blood between my legs, I drifted back off to sleep.

Hours had passed before I woke again, with more blood and a strong urge to push.

There were male patients on my ward and my cubicle curtains were wide open, yet nobody came to help me.

Finally, a nurse saw me, looked between my legs and left without speaking. By this time I was screaming in pain and was terrified.

I was giving birth alone with broken hips and a damaged spine.

I had already pushed my daughter out before anyone returned to help me and then I was sedated again.

My partner arrived to find the baby still lying between my legs, with the doctor trying to get me to push out the placenta.

I understand that I was not on the labor ward and that I was not full term, but my partner was angry with the care I was receiving.

After I had delivered the placenta the doctor took the baby away with him.

I lay there in shock, what had just happened?

Time passed and my baby was brought back to me, I didn’t want to look at it, it was taken away. I refused to look at the photograph they had taken for me.

My baby was dead, what was a photograph or seeing it going to do?

It was not going to bring my baby back to life, was it?

Giving birth alone to a dead baby is horrific, I cannot even begin to describe how it felt.

I had been 20 weeks pregnant.

I had to stay in the hospital a further 5 weeks, had numerous operations and had to learn to walk again.

After being discharged my partner and I took my son to stay with his sister, we slept on her living room floor for 3 weeks before finding a house of our own.

I soon became pregnant again, I miscarried soon after. A further few months down the line I fell pregnant again and another loss followed.

When I became pregnant once more I was at the hospital every day, terrified something was going to go wrong. I could not face losing another baby.

I was struggling to come to terms with the whole giving birth alone experience still and I guess I was desperate to fill in the empty gap I felt.

Because of hips, I would not be able to give birth naturally and I was booked in for an elective cesarean section.

The day arrived and despite having a reaction to the antibiotics and him getting stuck between my ribcage I finally held my healthy little boy.

I could hear people talking and laughing but my vision was blurred and then everything went black.

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I came round on the high dependency unit, I had lost 5 pints of blood and transfusions had been given.

After all, we had been through I hoped my partner and I could finally be happy but that was not meant to be. The stresses of being a father became too much for him and we began to argue. At first, it was mental abuse and then turned physical.

I had been head-butted, punched and kicked and I was terrified. I contacted Social Services who helped us to escape to a refuge where we stayed for four months before finding a place we could call our own home.

I am now back with my ex, we are working things out. He is having counseling and so far there has been no violence, I am hopeful.

We had never talked about the death of our daughter and giving birth alone had left me emotionally damaged, instead of getting the support we had just buried our heads in the sand.

I am now taking antidepressants and sleeping pills and I am taking each day as it comes.  I have two healthy boys and I will never forget the about daughter I should have had, but we have to move on.

My brother recently died after falling into a frozen lake and soon after we buried him I miscarried again.

My life has not been an easy one and the giving birth alone experience will become easier to deal with in time and through the love of my children I am positive for our future.

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